When you love someone, helping them through difficult times is inevitable. Life isn’t always easy and being someone’s partner means being there for them when they need you the most. 

If your partner has recently lost a family member or someone they care about, that includes being there for them throughout the grieving process. 

You will probably be the first person your partner looks to for support.  While that might feel overwhelming at first, it’s important to expect it and be as prepared as possible. 

Supporting them through a loss is about more than just being a shoulder to cry on (even though that’s important!). So, what can you do to fully support and be there for the person you love?

Give Them Permission to Not Be OK

Grief causes a person to go through many stages. 

You know your partner better than anyone. If they’re trying to hold back or be strong, it’s up to you to let them know they don’t have to. Give them the assurance they need to cry, vent, or “fall apart.” 

Keeping emotions inside isn’t helpful in moving through grief. Your partner might be able to hold it in for a while, but emotions always demand to be felt. Encourage them to express their feelings now, and be there for them as they do. 

In addition to giving them the time and space to grieve, find out what they need to get through it. 

Everyone grieves differently, so it’s okay to ask your partner what will help them. Some people want to talk about the loss. Others want to get out and do something fun.  

By asking what they need, they will know they have a support system in you.  

Offer Your Help in Small, Practical Ways

Being someone who will listen is an incredibly important job in the grieving process. It’s also important to offer your partner practical help as they cope with a loss. Take care of household chores like laundry and cleaning. If you don’t live with your partner, bring over meals or offer to run errands for them. 

The last thing someone grieving needs is a “to-do” list that might make them feel even more overwhelmed. Taking care of those things might seem small, but it can make a big difference. 

Don’t Force a Timeline

One of the best things you can do is let your partner talk over and over about what they’re feeling. 

Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Everyone goes through grief at their own pace.

So, let them keep talking. Let them keep venting and crying. Some people might manage the immediate emotions of a loss in a matter of weeks. For others, it could take months and even longer. If you allow yourself to be a constant in your partner’s life, you can help them to get through it in an emotionally healthy way. That’s what matters the most. 

If you notice that your partner continuing to struggle after a number of weeks or months and don’t seem to be improving, you can also suggest talking to a professional counselor.  That doesn’t mean “speeding things up.” Simply put, mental health professionals often have the skills needed to guide someone through their grief.  

As your partner’s support system, hearing that suggestion from you could be just what they need. Let them know they have your support in doing whatever is healthy to move forward with their grief while feeling heard and understood. 

If your partner is grieving a loss and you’re worried about how they’re handling it, please read more about grief and depression therapy and feel free to contact the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin. Contact our office by calling (512) 270-4883, or request an appointment on the RCC Austin Scheduling page.