Intimacy is a crucial part of any relationship. Intimacy is not only sex, it can come in many other forms, such as kissing, holding hands, or even deep conversation. Everyone has different preferences and boundaries when it comes to intimacy, and you should be respectful of your partner’s boundaries.

Because of the sensitive nature of certain topics, you may find it difficult to talk about them with your partner. Fortunately, there are many ways to promote intimacy in your relationship without being overbearing or aggressive. Let’s look at some of those ways.

Understand Boundaries

Some people aren’t sensitive to discussions about intimacy, whereas others are incredibly sensitive. Before you approach any conversations with your partner, think about their particular sensitivities.

It’s common for people who have endured adverse childhood experiences, assault, or other traumas to have higher boundaries when it comes to intimacy. Keep this in mind before approaching a conversation — the last thing you want to do is upset or trigger your partner. When you feel like you have a good grip on both your boundaries and your partner’s, you can move forward and address the topic.

Be Patient

When it comes to sensitive topics, it’s important to be patient. Your partner may not react the way you hope, but this doesn’t give you the right to be impatient or frustrated with them and the situation. Stay calm and always remember to see their perspective, too. No one wants to feel called out or attacked. If there is a pressing issue in your relationship, you have the right to bring it up even if the conversation may be uncomfortable. Nevertheless, you still need to maintain patience and kindness as you do so. Critical or aggressive comments will only serve to widen the distance between you and your partner.

Initiating the Conversation

The way you approach the conversation can make all the difference as to how it plays out. Gently request a time to talk to your partner and tell them that you want to have an honest conversation. Ease into it. Remind them that they are loved. This approach is your best bet at getting your partner to open up. If you approach the conversation out of frustration or in a flash of anger, this will only cause your partner to feel tense. Your partner is not going to want to discuss a sensitive topic with you if you seem angry, annoyed, or frustrated. They will, however, be much more inclined to vulnerability if you are calm, kind, and patient.

Promoting Intimacy

It typically takes more than one conversation for a couple to gain trust and intimacy. You can’t expect your relationship to be incredibly intimate after one deep conversation. However, after many conversations, you and your partner will likely feel very close. If you feel that intimacy has been lacking in your relationship, you can’t restore it overnight. By taking the initiative to bring up sensitive topics, you and your partner are successfully beginning to restore the intimacy. Again, be patient and aware of your partner’s boundaries. The more they open up to you, the more they will be inclined to do so in the future. Make yourself worthy of their trust and vulnerability.

When two people enter a relationship, they’re each bringing respective baggage and sensitivities. You and your partner must learn about each other’s vulnerabilities and learn to establish intimacy without disrupting boundaries.

Finally…

If you’ve tried to bring up sensitive topics but get shut down, don’t lose hope. You and your partner may benefit from couples counseling to help hash out these topics in a safe space with an unbiased party. If you want your relationship to succeed, you’re going to have some difficult discussions at times.

Don’t fear these sensitive topics, but instead allow them to empower your relationship and increase intimacy. Approach your partner with love, patience, and understanding. With just this action alone, you’re already promoting intimacy in your relationship. 

The therapists at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin work with couples who are struggling with intimacy and the difficult conversations that come along with it. To read more about services at our center, click here: Marriage Counseling. To schedule an appointment, give our office a call at (512) 270-4883, or submit an online request on our Scheduling page.