By Daniel Hope, MA

A common area of conflict for many couples centers around parenting styles. It can be a complicated situation to navigate and communicate about. Finding common ground with your partner is important for your relationship and for your children. Parenting is hard enough even when you have similar beliefs and backgrounds. It can be even harder when your values, beliefs, and backgrounds differ. 

So, what do you do? 

Consider these six tips for finding common ground and you may find it much easier to communicate and reach compromises for parenting your children.

6 Tips to Find Common Ground When Your Parenting Styles Differ

1. Make A List of Ideas Before Sitting Down To Talk Through Issues

To start, try to think about and jot down your thoughts beforehand. This allows for each of you to think through any issues prior to the meeting. Taking this time will help to have clear minds, stay focused, and be productive when talking to each other. Brainstorming and setting goals is useful for coming up with solutions to potential problems, parenting or otherwise. 

2. Pause for the Sake of Your Partnership

If the conversation gets emotional and overwhelming, pause and ask your partner if they want to take a short break to take a few deep breaths, get a cold or hot beverage, and return in a few minutes with both of you in a calmer state of mind. This will give the tension a break and remind your partner that you want to put your relationship first while also recognizing you’re discussing a challenging area of your partnership.

3. Do Your Research

Look for parenting guidance from reputable professional sources. Whether you find a parenting book or locate a podcast on parenting methods, research is important to understanding common challenges in parenting. Educating yourself on common parenting concerns is critical to discovering not only your own opinions but will also help you understand the perspective of your partner. The ability to look at an issue from multiple perspectives can only serve you as it provides a sense of teamwork.  

A willingness to listen and try to understand your partner’s perspective is helpful, even if you don’t agree with it. Allow time for each of you to give your position on a parenting issue. Listen to better understand each other’s point of view and why it is important. This will get you closer to finding compromise on the issue at hand and help both of you feel more connected.

4. Find A Community

Parenting is hard enough but trying to navigate the world of parenting is even harder alone. Finding a community of people who are also navigating the world of parenting is key to finding a sense of belonging and community. Surround yourself and your partner with people who understand the struggles of parenting, who can offer support and conversation. Family members and friends can be helpful to you in your parenting journey, as well as other parents at your child’s school. Parenting groups offered by trained counselors can also be of benefit to you.

Being a parent is a happy time for couples and it is also one of the most challenging areas of any partnership. Don’t go it alone. Be clear about your values as a parent and find other parents who will support you along your journey.

5. Find Family Activities That Are Enjoyable To All

If everything is always serious in your family, it can make life as a parent feel disappointing and frustrating. This can breed feelings of resentment towards your partner. This will not only affect your relationship as parents but your children, too. Bonding as a family is essential to building a strong foundation between you, your partner, and your children. Shared experiences and positive memories help to balance the frustrating times as parents.

6. Spend Time Together as a Couple Without Talking About Parenting

Are your conversations solely about the children? One of the biggest roadblocks parents find is a loss of identity apart from being a parent. Be sure to set aside time to remember what you enjoy and like about each other. 

Continuing to date your partner, no matter how busy life becomes, is important to you as a couple and as parents to your children. Your healthy and happy relationship is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your children. 

Communicating well is always important in your relationship and especially when parenting your children together. If you find it difficult to communicate effectively around parenting or other issues, seeing a counselor can help you through the rough spots of parenting. Strategies learned in counseling can help you and your partner talk through issues and come to satisfying, long-term solutions. 

Daniel Daniel Hope, MA, LMFT Associate, MA works with couples and parents at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin. To schedule an appointment with a trained therapist, call (512) 270-4883 or complete our Scheduling Form online. With a little help, you and you co-parent will be able to find common ground and peace when while raising your children.

To learn more, click here: Marriage Counseling