By Kassie Soni, MA

When you are dating someone, everything seems happy at first. You are just discovering your feelings of love for each other with a series of romantic dates. While dating in the early days is typically light and fun, a long-term relationship is a different ballgame. It requires living with someone you are entirely committed to. Sometimes, you discover new things about your partner that you did not know when you first started dating.

Instead of being quick to file for divorce or stay in an unfulfilling relationship, couples counseling can be a way to salvage your future with your partner. If there has been hurt on one or both sides, the idea of sitting next to your partner whom you harbor negative feelings toward for the duration of a therapy session may sound unappealing. You may also be expecting a battle with sides taken and an exchange of hurtful words. 

The truth is that couples counseling is goal-oriented to help you and your partner towards a better place in your relationship. If you are new to couples counseling, here is what you can expect in your first few sessions.

Goal Setting

The first thing your therapist will ask you is what your goals are for therapy. Think about what obstacles you would like you and your partner to overcome. Do you wish you could communicate more effectively? Do you want more time with each other than you have?

You can also ask yourself if you and your partner have the same goals in what you want with and from the other. Think of how close you would like to be with your partner by the end of your sessions. Do not avoid speaking to your partner about this. Communication involves discovering what you want in each other.

Relationship Background

A therapist will also want to know about you and your partner’s history together. Your therapist will want to know how you two met and how long you have been together.

Your therapist will want to discover your communication methods and the respect you have for each other. If you and your significant other have been carrying your relationship problems through years of being together, it can say a lot about your routines and habits of communicating with one another. Couples counseling can teach you about new, healthy routines to incorporate into your life together.

Who You Are as People

Certain personalities tend to clash with each other which can cause a lot of long-term problems. For example, your partner could have a one-sided personality. This can make it hard to have a discussion about heavy subjects if your partner will not see things from your point of view.

Another example can be if you have a passive personality. Instead of speaking to your partner about things that bother you, you keep your feelings inside. This information about your personalities will help your therapist see why you have encountered hurdles in your relationship together.

Evaluation and Treatment

By the time you get to your fourth session, your therapist will observe your individual and mutual strengths, in addition to areas where you can grow in the relationship. Do not be worried about your relationship status or be embarrassed by what your therapist tells you. It is their objective to be honest and guide you on the path that is right for you.

Once your therapist tells you about their findings, a treatment plan is established for you both. Your therapist will tell you what goals they have set for you and the steps to take for new behaviors in your relationship. You get to decide if the goals set forth are the right ones for you and your partner.

Knowing what to expect in couples therapy will prevent you from being scared about trying it out. If you need more help on what will be covered during couples counseling, reach out to speak to a mental health professional immediately.

Kassie Soni, MA, LPC, is a senior clinician at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin who works with couples, individuals, and families. If you are seeking support as you navigate your relationship, give us a call to schedule your appointment at (512) 270-4883. You can also complete our Scheduling Form on our website and someone will be in touch with you shortly.

Learn more here: Marriage Counseling