By Kassie Soni, MA

Whether you’ve been together for a year or for decades, at some point you may find yourself wondering if you need to seek couples counseling. Even though the term may sometimes carry a negative connotation, it doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. In fact, many couples report that counseling has made their relationships much stronger. Knowing when it’s time to reach out for help is a sign of health and a willingness to grow. And finding help earlier is better than waiting too long.

Once a couple has moved out of the initial stage of infatuation and newness, relationship challenges are inevitable. Here are some common reasons to find help.

Second Priority

Perhaps your in-laws’ opinions dictate too much of your life. Maybe your partner doesn’t stand up for you to their parents, or others. It could be that you feel your partner has friendships that are too close with female or male co-workers. They spend more time going out to lunch and texting the co-workers than they do with you. Even too much time with platonic friends can cause wear. Therapy can help sort out these issues.

Additionally, you may feel as though your partner’s job always takes precedence over your relationship. Or you may feel your career and dreams are belittled and downplayed by your partner. Over-involvement in community groups might be stretching yourself thin. While work and budget demands are real, finding a way to balance the two may require a counselor’s assistance.

If You Feel Like You’re Never Heard

Arguments in romantic relationships are common. When you spend lots of time together with another person, there are bound to be conflicts. But if you continually argue about the same topics without being able to find a resolution, seeking an outside perspective may be needed. Counselors can help you learn more effective ways to communicate with each other. They can help you find underlying causes of conflict that you may not be aware of. They also provide accountability as you learn to implement new approaches in your relationship.

Problems in the Bedroom

Sexual issues are often a reason to consider therapy. Maybe you or your partner have lost all interest or consistently reject advances from the other, and this issue is causing distress in your relationship. In this case, counseling is crucial. Finding a safe place to discuss this sensitive topic is a good idea.

Financial Conflicts

It is often said that finances are one of the main sources of disagreement in marriage. This can partly stem from differences in family of origin attitudes about money. Perhaps one of you is a saver and the other a spender, or you just disagree about what to spend the money on. If you find that this topic comes up frequently in your relationship, guidance from a therapist can be helpful.

Parenting Conflicts

In addition to money, child-rearing is another hot-button topic for couples. Agreeing on how to discipline children is often problematic. One parent may think a child is just being a kid, while the other thinks the child is out of control. A parent may feel their child is struggling with ADHD or sensory issues, but the other disagrees, even after medical evaluations confirm suspicions. If there is a parent who stays home with the kids while the other works, the home-parent can often feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and wish they had more support from their partner.

If these types of scenarios are causing arguments, you owe it to yourself and the kids (especially the kids!) to find better ways to approach parenting. Your kids are learning how to handle their own future relationships through your example.

Every situation is different, of course. Trust your instincts and have the courage to investigate counseling if you think it’s time. If your partner won’t go with you, you can start out by going on your own.

Is your relationship experiencing these or other issues? Kassie Soni, MA, LPC, is experienced in couples counseling and passionate about helping couples improve their lives together. Please contact the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin for more information by calling (512) 270-4883. Complete the online Scheduling Form to set up a session with Kassie.

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