Moving in with your significant other might seem like a dream come true. You imagine that the two of you will make delicious Sunday morning pancakes together, have endless cuddly movie nights, and maybe even adopt an adorable dog.
After all, what could be better than living with the person you love most and waking up to their smile every day? The decision to take the leap and move in together is not one to rush into, take some time and consider the impact on your relationship.
Moving too fast can damage your relationship irreparably and ruin your hopes of a happy future together.
Living with your partner is a huge adjustment. Getting used to sharing space can be challenging, even for couples who have been dating for years. Here’s why you need to think carefully before you go house or apartment hunting.
Needing Space
Are you more independent, while your partner tends to be a bit needier? That dynamic might not bother you when you’re living separately. But it can make things more complicated when you move in together.
You might want to spend an evening reading alone to relax, while your partner might insist on spending time with you. This situation can easily cause conflicts and make you feel like the relationship is imbalanced.
Ground Rules
Failing to set ground rules before moving in together can be a recipe for disaster. You need to understand your partner’s expectations for cleanliness, utility usage, and even the basics, like what time they prefer to wake up and go to bed.
If your schedules are wildly different, or you both have separate ideas about what it means to have a “clean” house, you’re bound to deal with a lot of bickering. Moving in together on a whim means working all of that out as you go, which may not pan out in your favor.
Red Flags
Sometimes, serious red flags don’t reveal themselves until after you move in. You may not realize that your partner never learned how to cook or doesn’t “feel” like doing laundry for themselves. Perhaps they get irrationally angry when little things are out of place, or they don’t like it when you have your friends over for a casual night in.
Those red flags can rear their ugly heads out of nowhere, leaving you shocked and disappointed. Your partner might not be the person you thought they were.
Financial Woes
When you move in together, you’ll also be handling your finances together. Splitting the rent, paying the internet and electric bill, planning your meals and grocery budget for the week—it’s a lot more responsibility! And if your partner is not financially stable, the burden could unexpectedly fall on you. What if there is a significant gap in your incomes? Do you split expenses 50/50, or pay different percentages of your joint expenses?
Before you decide to put your name on the same lease, you need to be confident that you and your partner are on the same page about shared living expenses. If not, resentment could build, and your financial standing is going to be affected.
In It for the Long Haul
By committing to a lease together, you’re also making it more difficult to go your separate ways if you break up. If you’re genuinely meant to be together, that’s not a bad thing at all.
However, if it turns out that the two of you are better off apart, you might come to regret it. You might resent each other for keeping the other “stuck” in that situation, and resentment will doom any relationship.
Plan Ahead and Don’t Move Too Fast
If you are thinking about moving in with your partner but want to be sure you are doing your “homework” before making that choice, you might seek the guidance of a couples counselor. Couples therapy can help you with topics important to consider before making the decision to live together, and help you figure out the right next steps for your relationship.
Contact the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin if you are a couple considering making that big leap by moving in together. As you prepare for this exciting and monumental step in your relationship, couples counseling can help make the transition as smooth as possible. Set yourself and your partner up for success by scheduling an appointment with a trained therapist; call us at (512) 270-4883, or submit an appointment request on the RCC Austin Scheduling page.