By Jim Duncan, MA

Every relationship goes through highs and lows. No partnership is perfect. While these might sound like nothing more than uplifting, motivational sayings, there’s a lot of truth to them. But when your connection feels like it’s in a rut, it’s easy for relationship dissatisfaction to take hold. 

When you cling to those feelings for too long, it can start to cause more problems between you and your partner. 

How can you exit the relationship roller coaster and beat dissatisfaction once and for all? Let’s go over five useful tips you can start using today. 

1. Embrace Your Part

Many times, when you feel dissatisfied with your relationship, you’ll blame your partner. It’s easier to blame other people for their shortcomings or things we don’t like. 

However, it’s essential to take a look at yourself and your role in the relationship, too. Sometimes, you’re the one at fault. But, mostly, it doesn’t matter who is at fault. Relationships shouldn’t be about playing the blame game. The sooner you stop pointing fingers, the more satisfied you’ll be. 

2. Set Attainable Expectations

One of the biggest areas of relationship dissatisfaction people face is one of unrealistic expectations. It’s okay to want specific things from your partner and vice versa. But no one is perfect. 

Instead of focusing on your partner’s flaws, and how they might not live up to your level of perfection, focus on the things about them that you love. If it helps, write a list of things you like about your partner, including small details. You might be surprised at how many incredible qualities you can come up with. 

3. Don’t Try to Change Them

If your partner isn’t living up to your expectations, one of the worst things you can do is try to change them. If they’re participating in harmful or dangerous habits, that’s one thing. But, if your issues are with their personality or quirks, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to change them entirely. 

In doing so, you’ll likely push them further away. Accept your partner for who they are and expect that they’ll do the same. Finding contentment is essential. 

4. Talk About What You Need

Communication is a major key in any relationship. Unfortunately, most couples don’t practice effective communication nearly enough. Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner about your needs and wants. 

It’s not fair to assume they can read your mind or know your every need without you expressing it somehow. So, set aside time to discuss it and talk about the things they need, too. When you’re both on the same page and understand each other, you can put forth more effort to fulfill those needs for one another. 

5. Avoid Comparisons

In a world of social media, it’s easy to compare yourself to other people. Relationships certainly aren’t immune to that. You might see an Instagram post of a happy couple or a Facebook image with one of your married friends bragging about her husband. 

The problem with social media is that it isn’t always based on reality. Think about how many pictures those people might have taken before landing on that “perfect” one. Maybe that beautiful couple argued just before they snapped the picture. 

On social media, people tend to portray the best versions of themselves. It’s more of a highlight reel of life than a snapshot. So, focus on your relationship instead of comparing it to others. 

If you’re experiencing relationship dissatisfaction, it doesn’t mean your union is destined to fail. Put these solutions into practice today, and you can start feeling better about the connection you and your partner have. 

Jim Duncan, MA, LPC Intern, works with couples at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin who may be struggling to find satisfaction in their partnership. Please reach out to Jim for help if you’d like support in your relationship goals by calling (512) 270-4883, ext. 117. You can also request an appointment online at the RCC Austin Scheduling page.