How well do you know your partner?
No, really. How much do you truly know about your partner’s history, feelings, dreams, goals, hopes, fears, and worries?
Is it truly that important?
Yes, it is. Deep and intimate knowledge of your partner generates love and connection.
If you don’t really know your partner, how can you truly and fully love them?
The Importance of Continuously Learning About Your Partner
Change is inevitable and natural. That includes changes in your relationship and in yourself.
People don’t remain static throughout life – they grow. They have new dreams, thoughts, and ideas. They adjust their philosophies and beliefs. To live and love means to embrace change and growth.
Your relationship doesn’t remain static either. It goes through various developmental stages; and, it may have to face difficult situations – a job loss, financial issues, health problems, or family conflict.
Therefore, as you move through life together, it’s important that you continue gaining intimate knowledge about your partner. It creates a firm and strong foundation for your relationship.
Knowing and continuing to learn about your partner helps you weather marital conflict. It also prepares you to cope with a host of other stressful events since it keeps you from being easily thrown off course by pressures and challenges.
But, when you resist the opportunity to grow in your relationship and stop keeping up with the changes in your partner, your relationship can easily become frustrating. That frustration, in turn, may create anger, resentment, and apathy.
Keeping Up with Changes in Your Partner
Couples that have a very close relationship are usually intimately familiar with each other’s inner worlds. They not only possess detailed and relevant information about their partner’s life but also update that information consistently.
How can you acquire this type of intimate knowledge about your partner and keep up with changes?
You have to spend time together and engage in intelligent and constructive conversations and discussions. To get the most out of this, it’s important that you stay present, listen compassionately, and remain honest with each other.
Ponder the following questions:
Do I understand my partner’s family-of-origin dynamics? What was home life like when they were growing up?
Can I name at least two of their closest friends – past or present?
How does my partner feel about having children? Where would they like to settle down?
- Goals and Dreams
What would my partner consider their ideal job?
Are they satisfied with their job? Or are they considering a new career?
What is their dearest unrealized dream? Their greatest accomplishment?
- Likes and Dislikes
Does my partner have hobbies or passions? If yes, can I name them?
What are their favorite movies or books? Their favorite restaurant or food?
How does my partner like spending an enjoyable evening?
Do they like to be surprised? Or do they find comfort in routine?
- Life History
Do I remember what my partner wore the first time we met?
What was one of their most embarrassing moments in life?
What important events are coming up in their life soon? How do they feel about them?
What are my partner’s responsibilities at their work? What were their previous job(s)?
- Worries and Stresses
What is one of my partner’s greatest fears?
What stresses are they currently facing?
Do I understand the basis of their worries?
Do you know all the answers? Have you kept up with your partner? If not, you may want to free up some time.
Getting to know your partner on a deeper level is an ongoing process. You have to be willing to accept and recognize that their thoughts and feelings are ever-changing. But change doesn’t have to be negative. It can be a wonderful opportunity to grow ever closer.