We are regularly bombarded with images and messages about “true love.” They all seem to add to something like this:
You have one true soul mate out there
When you meet, it’s love at first sight
From there, well… it’s happily ever after
Sure, this is an oversimplification but, by how much? Each of us, through no fault of our own, get some very unproductive messages about relationships. Movies, books, and social media often present us with the image of what a relationship should be. This can result in big problems when real life doesn’t follow the fairytale script.
There is a very basic, yet powerful way to counter the “true love hype” in this age of social media, memes, and smartphones. What is it?
Affirmations!
What is an Affirmation?
An affirmation is defined as a positive assertion.
An affirmation is a conscious act. It is a mindful statement of truth.
We each have anywhere from 150 to 300 thoughts per minute. Most of the tens of thousands of thoughts we have daily are subconscious. The majority of these are negative, and most of the time we are not even aware of our negative cognitions. When we begin to pay attention and choose to mindfully be aware of the ticker tape of thoughts going on in our mind, we can then counter the negative thoughts with positive affirmations that are more helpful.
While everything else ricochets around your brain, an affirmation has a calming effect. It provides much-needed certainty among the many conflicting thoughts. Affirmations are helpful in relationship terms, as well as in individual. A steady practice of giving your partner and your relationship positive affirmations feels like a strong foundation against the changing, unpredictable winds.
When we affirm ourselves, our partner, and our relationship, we absorb the positivity. We feel it. We mean it. We live it.
5 Affirmations Happy Couples Give Each Other Often
1. Our lines of communications are always open and always open to change.
Healthy communication is a foundational part of a happy relationship. Remember that good communication is a process — not a destination.
2. I love you as you are.
Too often, we stack up our partner against other people. Even worse, perhaps, is when we stack our partner up against some future version of them. We can love our partner as they are — while also supporting them as they evolve and grow.
3. I take responsibility for my words and actions.
No more defensiveness and passive-aggressive deflection. We will think before we act and speak and after we act and speak. If we make a mistake, we will repair that mistake and take responsibility for it.
4. I forgive when necessary and I apologize when necessary.
Hard times will happen. The goal is never perfection. When navigating rough waters, we will handle the struggle with maturity, grace, and love.
5. My respect and trust are unwavering.
No matter how our connection evolves — even if that connection dramatically shifts — respect and trust is non-negotiable. These are guiding principles for all our actions.
There’s Something Else Happy Couples Do
Leave nothing to chance. Accepting that sometimes you may need a bit of help is another way to affirm yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
Individually and as a couple, we must accept that sometimes we do better if we get outside help and support. This may mean reading books on healthy relationships, attending a workshop or weekend retreat for couples, or seeing a couples counselor. Reaching out for help with your relationship doesn’t mean your relationship is failing, it affirms that your relationship is important to you and you want to make it better and happier for you both.
The patterns we develop over time often mask what we choose not to see. To stay a “happy couple” means we must sometimes face some “unhappy” truths. We identify them, address them, and do the work to make different choices. All in all, there’s no other affirmation that shows love more clearly.
Contact the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin if you and your partner want to find new ways to affirm your relationship. Give our office a call at 512-270-4883, or request an appointment on the RCC Austin Scheduling page.