Before you and your partner were parents, you were a couple. Everything was all about satisfying the two of you. Now, baby makes three.
It didn’t take long to discover how much adding parenting to the mix changes the dynamic of your relationship. Even though your little one is a bundle of joy, your baby can also present a lot of challenges. You may be dealing with increasing stress related to everything from your baby’s cries, diaper changing and feeding, to financial issues, reduced intimacy, and sheer exhaustion.
Parenting changes relationship dynamics. Instead of focusing on date nights and vacations, you must consider your baby first before you do the things you could do easily before you became parents. You may find it’s easy to forget how to be a partner if you are too consumed with being a parent.
Conflicts and misunderstandings may occur more, and you may feel out of touch when it comes to decision-making. The stress of not spending enough time together, and a million little changes can take their toll. To help turn things around, here are some examples of how couples change after parenthood and what you can do to stay close.
The Stress of More Household Responsibilities
It was easy to procrastinate with your chores when it was just the two of you. It did not matter if the laundry was not done on time, the dishes were still in the sink, or the house was a mess. Now that you have a baby, some things cannot be left for later. Babies need clothes to wear, bottles washed, and choking hazards picked up routinely.
Teamwork matters around the house when you have a child. Constant nagging at each other to “help our more” can lead to resentment in your relationship. One strategy is to put up a list of chores on the fridge every week and decide who is responsible for what. If you feel like household tasks are unbalanced, express your feelings in a calm, respectful way.
Differences in Parenting Styles
Different parenting theories and styles may lead to disagreement between you and your partner. Lessons from your own childhoods may weigh heavily with both of you and create conflict as well.
Instead of battling it out, share openly with each other and remain open-minded. Remember that you both want to do your best and listen compassionately to each other’s points of view. Remember that being a parent is not about who is better. It is about keeping your child’s best interest in mind together. Building a strong, whole family unit starts with your loving union.
No Time to Be a Couple
Even though you and your partner are often together, there is now a very cute and needy distraction in your lives. Finding quality time with each other becomes a very real issue. While it is important to be dedicated parents, you also do not want to dodge attending to your relationship and continuing the romance.
Hire a babysitter, ask a friend or recruit a relative to watch your baby regularly so that you and your partner can go on date nights, grab a cup of coffee, or go on a walk together to talk. Try to find things to talk about that do not have anything to do with your baby. Check in on each other’s goals, dreams, and disappointments. Be there for each other curiously and meaningfully. Finding ways to show love for each other, and your baby, will provide strength and joy to the family.
Finally, if you find that the tension between you and your partner is too much to resolve on your own, it’s okay. Plenty of new parents struggle to find ways to reconnect after baby. The idea is to turn things around earlier rather than later. If you need help after your baby arrives, or if you want to be proactive before baby arrives, a counselor can help you navigate the waters of new parenthood and your relationship.
Contact the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin if you and your partner need relationship support while raising your child. Give our office a call at (512) 270-4883, or request an appointment online at the RCC Austin Scheduling page.