You did it! Your nest is officially empty. Decades of child-rearing at home have come to a close.
Is it what you thought it’d be? Are you and your partner free to lounge in each other’s arms all day in bed? Is your time together a second honeymoon, free of homework, carpools, and messy bathrooms?
Or is it kind of strange to be alone together in the clean quiet spaces, just the two of you, with few distractions and much less to say than you thought?
Don’t panic.
Your kid’s final departure is a significant household transition. Allow yourselves time to process, adapt, and reconnect beyond your role as parents. Here are some ways to start building a deeper connection and cozier nest for two.
How to Reconnect Now that the Kids are Gone
1. Refresh the Way You Communicate
To reconnect now means finding new and more effective ways to communicate. To start, you’ll do well to check in, be very curious, and listen well. Much like you did when you first started dating.
Rediscovery and resolution are vital parts of the communication game now that it’s just the two of you. You may be surprised at how your needs, dreams, and goals have shifted. If you find you have old issues to resolve, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with seeking professional guidance to help you manage conflict, build more trust, and grow closer.
2. Socialize, Learn, Grow
Novelty and shared interests will make the post-parenting years a joy. Even during a pandemic, you can plan time to socialize together with other couples from a distance or via Zoom. Try stretching or working out as a couple. Take snacks and drinks on day trips or long drives to new places. Learn new things and teach them to each other.
The point is to make the effort. Try not to give in to the idea that the fun and interesting parts of your years are over. It’s okay to invest time and energy into dates, hobbies, and travel for just the two of you. You earned it!
3. Focus Forward
Plan to do the things you’ve been putting off. Daydreaming and planning together are great bonding activities. When the pandemic ends, you’ll have lots to do together.
4. Make Sure Your Hearts Grow Fonder
Do remember that the goal now is to reconnect, not become connected at the hip. Time apart spent for yourself is still an important part of your lives. In fact, it is an essential part of preserving mystery in your relationship and creating a ritual of departure and reunions that stokes love and desire.
5. Intimacy Matters: Indulge Often
Desire is important right now. To desire your partner and feel desired is wonderful. Especially when you have the whole house to yourself. If you feel that this part of your relationship has been on the back burner for a while, it can be fun to get things back on track.
If you feel anxious about reigniting intimacy, go slow, and talk to each other about it. Don’t surrender this area of your union. Loving non-sexual touch, kissing, handholding, massage, and more can lead to a new and exciting level of closeness.
6. Embrace Your Independence
The routines of parenting and family responsibility have ruled your world for years. Why not reacquaint yourself with some spontaneity? The world is yours and you’ve both earned the right to seize the day.
Couples Counseling Can Provide Tools for Reinventing Your Connection
You and your partner have your own unique dynamics and history. Couples counseling can help you resolve the disorientation you might be feeling without parenthood to keep you in sync. It may have been a very long time since you considered yourselves a couple.
To set new goals and move forward meaningfully as a team, a trained couples counselor may prove invaluable. Genuine, healthy communication patterns, goal-setting, and compassionate conflict resolution are all supported by a relationship guide. Embrace this stage of your long, loving relationship together. As a team, you can ensure this season is rewarding and full of new adventures.
Contact the the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin if you and your partner are experiencing an empty nest. For support as you go through this new and exciting chapter in your relationship, counseling can help. Reach out by calling (512) 270-4883, or request an appointment online through the RCC Austin Scheduling page.