Sex is not just a physical activity, it is a mentally intimate experience, too. At least, it can be when you know how to tap into the best sexual experience possible. How can you do that? The practice of mindfulness improves sex in ways you and your partner can find exciting and wholly satisfying.
Why is Mindfulness Important for Better Sex?
The practice of being present makes it possible to experience sex with fresh eyes. You can enjoy it intensely, in the moment, fully attuned to what’s happening. You are alive and responsive.
Mindful sex is focused, conscious sex that benefits you in the following ways:
You improve your connections internally with your thoughts and emotions.
Your connection with your own body and physical sensations is improved.
You connect more fully and deeply with your partner.
In essence, when you implement mindfulness, you learn to focus on your emotions and sensations as they happen. And the more you can do that, the better it feels. With those things in mind, let’s explore how mindfulness improves five specific areas of your sex life.
How is Mindfulness Important for Better Sex?
1. Mindfulness Can Reduce the Robotic Routine
Sex can be something that connects us deeply with our partner, with both people tuning into each other’s needs--it can also be repetitive, automatic, and boring. Mindful attention to yourself and your partner means developing the ability to tune into your body and stay present.
The goal? To get away from worry, self-consciousness, or hang-ups from your pasts. You’ll enjoy each other much more by bringing complete attention to the here and now.
These mindfulness tips can help you:
Focus on the sensations. Tune into sensuality. Use your senses.
Consider and control your breath, muscles, and body position.
Minimize diversions and intrusions. Turn off your screens. Make sure you can’t be interrupted by pets or kids.
Silence intrusive thoughts and mental chatter (the grocery list can wait.)
Be curious. Allow yourself to be curious about your body and your partner’s body. Maybe one or both of you wants to try something new, or you notice that you have a sudden urge to do something different.
2. Mindfulness Improves Sex by Forming New Sexual Sensibilities
Aside from interrupting routine sex, mindfulness helps create a habit of bringing your mind back to what feels best and most connected. The more you do this, the more you create new neurological pathways. You literally change your mind as it pertains to sex.
Over time, you don’t have to try hard to be mindful or break sexual routine. This increases your chances of wanting to remain physically and mentally linked in the here and now. This easily and naturally shifts the way you approach each other and increases the odds of great sex on a regular basis.
3. Mindfulness can Lower Stress & Elevate Libido
When you are mindful, you practice being aware. You notice your thoughts and responses. This is perfect in a sexual sense. By noticing what thoughts stress you, you gain the power to calm yourself and reduce stress hormones that reduce libido. As your hormones normalize, you’ll likely begin to want sex more often.
4. Mindfulness can Promote the Practice of Acceptance
The beauty of mindfulness is that it is rooted in acknowledgment and acceptance of yourself and your partner.
The benefits of such acceptance are that you’ll:
feel that it’s okay to be authentic and free with each other.
distance yourself from shame and destructive self-talk.
connect more deeply with your bodies and be less prone to criticize them.
be more accepting of your unique and loving process.
release yourself from the pressure to be perfect or perform.
5. Mindfulness can Amplify Connection and Deepen Intimacy
Mindfulness can make it possible to slow down and rediscover true lovemaking. Paying attention to the aspects of each other that may get lost in the daily grind is important. Sex becomes decidedly more intimate as mindfulness allows you to tune into the sense of belonging, appreciation, and cooperation flowing between you. Thus, you can relax and trust each other emotionally and sexually.
Finally, Make Pleasure and Connection Your Primary Goals
Learning to be mindful with your partner has no downside. Your relationship, sexually and otherwise, deserves your attention. Embrace the chance to notice and respond to each other in more deeply connected ways. You both deserve to receive and give pleasure in ways that make sex and intimacy natural and gratifying.
Grace Wood, MA, LPC Intern, can help you and your partner practice mindfulness to deepen your sexual experiences with one another and attain an even closer connection. To schedule an appointment with Grace at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin, call (512) 270-4883, ext. 116, or request an appointment online through the RCC Austin Scheduling page. We hope to hear from you soon.