It is never easy to see your partner struggling with stress or anxiety. After all, stress can be contagious. Your partner’s worries end up becoming your worries. However, avoiding or ignoring your partner’s worries won’t make them go away or magically enhance your relationship.
When it comes to comforting your partner, the best course of action is to show them you are there for them. Let them know that their worries are heard and you want to help them in any way you can. After all, the heart of your relationship should be a deep sense of belonging and acceptance.
Consider these effective tips for patiently providing comfort and reassurance to your partner during times of stress.
Know What Works for Your Partner
You and your partner may be on the same page with each other about a lot of things. However, in times of stress and anxiety, you may not be attuned to what the other needs. The way you want to be comforted is not necessarily the same for them. If you know your partner’s personality well enough, you can try to put yourself in their shoes. However, be careful not to project your own needs onto them.
Instead of being quick to jump to the rescue, let them know you’re available when they are ready to share. Give your partner some time to process their emotions. Your overwhelmed partner may prefer to think through their emotions before talking to you.
To avoid assuming you know what your partner wants, ask them instead. Let them be the ones to tell you what works for them. Communicate that your primary goal is to honor their wishes.
Validation
One of the first things to do when your partner talks to you about their stressors is to validate their concerns. Show that you are empathetic and compassionate when they are sharing their worries. Avoid criticism and judgment, and try to respond honestly and positively. You might say, “That must be so scary for you,” to indicate how much you relate to what they are saying or align yourself with their perspective.
Invalidation and negativity can be quite damaging to your partner and your connection. Your partner is already down. Critique and platitudes can make matters worse. Telling your partner something like, “That does not seem so bad” can minimize your partner’s concerns and send the message that their anxiety is unimportant to you. Be slow to offer your opinion and be gentle when you do.
Active Listening
When we see a loved one struggling, it can be challenging not to interrupt. You may want to tell your own story to relate or solve what seems to be a simple issue. Yet jumping in this way can communicate that you are more interested in leading the conversation than hearing your partner out. You do not want to create resentment because your partner feels dismissed or unheard.
While you may not always know exactly where your partner is coming from, you can still communicate respect and support. Listen to them with the idea of being a soft place to land. Ask clarifying questions to show you want to understand the situation as well as you can. Make clear eye contact and remain open-minded. Reduce any distractions. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is be wholly attentive and available.
Your partner is going through a lot right now in their stress and anxiety. Let your partner tell you what they want from you. Respond patiently and lovingly when they do. If you and your partner need more help coping with anxiety, please read more about stress and anxiety therapy and reach out soon for a session.
Mark Killian, MA, LPC Associate, NCC, can help you and your partner come closer together when you are experiencing hardships in your relationship. Reach out for an appointment with Mark by calling the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin at (512) 270-4883, or request an appointment on our Scheduling page. We look forward to hearing from you.