The word “counterfeit” often invokes the idea of fake money. It’s worthless!
Or, perhaps you think of a faux jewel, a forged renowned painting, or even a cleverly constructed fake piece of pastry in a bakery’s window display. Finding out that these things are not real can be a huge disappointment.
And those are the same feelings connected to feeling counterfeit as a person—worthlessness and disappointment.
Typically, feeling worthless is directed inside, affecting how you think about yourself. And, disappointed is what you believe others will feel once they find out that you’re a fraud.
Maybe you didn’t know, but there’s a name for this condition: Impostor Syndrome.
What Exactly Is Impostor Syndrome?
Many people will have at least one incident of impostor syndrome in their lives, especially if they have low self-confidence, excessive humility, or are prone to negative self-talk. Surprisingly, the phenomenon most consistently happens to people who are personally and/or professionally accomplished, considered to be high-achievers or even perfectionists. Even so, they may always feel inadequate, counterfeit, and not good enough.
You would think their success is convincing proof of their abilities. Yet, they typically tell themselves that all their accomplishments were just lucky accidents.
When others praise them for their achievements or intelligence, they may dismiss it. They’re simply unable to accept that—just maybe—they are truly great at what they’re doing. They are often driven by a deep-seated need to work harder and harder to “keep up the appearance” that they’re smart or talented because they believe, otherwise, people will find out that they’re a fraud. Sometimes, they may even self-sabotage all their successes because they believe they are not worthy or not good enough, thinking that there must be some mistake.
The Forces Behind Impostor Syndrome
There are some distinct reasons you may develop impostor syndrome, and both have to do with your childhood history.
1. Being Undervalued as a Child
In this scenario, perhaps you grew up in the shadow of a sibling, a friend, or relative who was always seen as better—smarter or more talented—than you. As a result of feeling unvalued, you may have spent all your childhood (and then adult life!) working hard to prove your intelligence or your talents. But when your family didn’t recognize your achievements or abilities, you began doubting them, too.
2. Being Overvalued as a Child
On the other hand, perhaps you grew up being showered with praise, told anything and everything you did was perfect. You may have felt you were put on a pedestal. Eventually, though, reality brought you down to earth. No one can stay on a pedestal forever. Everyone is human and makes mistakes. As you realized your abilities had limits, you may have started to wonder if your previous accomplishments were exaggerated by your parents or others. But the pressure to succeed and be perfect remained, causing you to doubt your self-worth. You may have even believed they were simply telling you how good you were because they didn’t want to hurt or disappointment you.
Dealing with the Relentless Inner Pessimist
The fact is impostor syndrome causes you to see yourself in a way that is distorted from the facts and reality. This leads to distorted thinking and feelings. In other words, your story about yourself becomes warped in your mind. Your thoughts repeat the story over and over again, and you begin to believe it. Anxiety may be present as you have these thoughts. You may feel a bit anxious sometimes, and the anxiety can begin the negative self-talk and beliefs about yourself. It’s a vicious cycle!
The remedy to this untruth and distorted reality, and to the pessimist who keeps feeding it, is to rewrite the story you are telling yourself. Promote the opposite beliefs within and strive for balance.
Rewriting Your Story Through Mindfulness
Instead of agreeing with the false narrative your inner pessimist is trying to sell you, it’s important that you take a step back and look at the evidence as objectively as possible. Of course, that’s not as easily done as it sounds, but mindfulness can help.
Mindfulness practices can train you to slow down and stop walking down that same mental path you’ve been treading for years. Rather than getting carried away by your distorted thoughts, it allows you to stop, breathe, and simply observe. With practice, you can learn to choose which of the stories you’re telling yourself to believe and which ones you should throw out.
Promoting Opposite Beliefs by Challenging Your Thoughts
After observing your mind’s distorted story and learning to make the choice not to take it at face value, you can challenge unhelpful thought patterns. For example, if your inner pessimist keeps telling you that you’re not good enough, you can challenge that belief by presenting yourself with evidence to the contrary.
Of course, it’s not easy to silence that voice when everything inside you screams, “Counterfeit!!!” So, instead of completely contradicting the message that you’re not good enough, why not simply start to amend it to say, “I’m not good enough—yet,” or, “I’ve worked hard and trained for this and I do know what I am talking about!” With little tweaks like this, the meaning becomes less devastating and more motivating. You can repeat that process any time your thoughts wants to take you down the impostor path—step by step changing those lies.
Striving for Balance
None of us is born perfect or complete. We grow, we learn, and we evolve as a person—that process doesn’t stop even in adulthood. We need to strike a balance when looking at ourselves as a whole.
It’s important that you remind yourself that you are a work in progress, so to speak, and that you are more than the sum of your achievements. Rather, think of yourself as an intricate mix of successes and shortcomings and the meaningful things you have learned about yourself from each undertaking and each experience.
Reach out to the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin if you have been experiencing feelings or worthlessness and self-negativity. To learn more about how to deal with impostor syndrome, low self-esteem, or perfectionism, schedule an appointment by calling (512) 270-4883, or request an appointment online through the RCC Austin Scheduling page. We are here to help.