Love on the brain? It’s true! While there’s lots of talk about love as a matter of the heart, it turns out our brain is the real cupid. Those arrows that we imagine piercing our hearts with affection are actually a healthy dose of neurochemicals.
Of course, not many rom-coms will tell you that!
Still, the science of it all is not wholly unromantic. The brain can be a beautiful thing when it comes to relationships. And the more you understand what’s going on in there, the better chances you have of understanding yourself and making healthy, happy connections.
When Your Brain Gets that Loving Feeling
We “fall in love” because being in love feels good. The rush is fantastic. So much so, that some people chase it. Some people cherish it forever.
Neuroscience explains why.
In your brain is a cache of feel-good chemicals that create a “love high” when you are strongly attracted to someone special. Your brain releases chemicals when you think of, or come in contact with this person, effectively linking pleasurable sensations and experiences to the person.
Some of the chemicals that make you feel so amazing are as follows:
Dopamine. This chemical is connected to pleasure. It elicits positive feelings of reward or “winning.”
Adrenaline, Epinephrine, and Norepinephrine. These are the “excitement” hormones. The rush of love is created when the brain tells the adrenal gland near the kidneys to release these chemicals. Norepinephrine, in particular fuels prolonged infatuation.
Oxytocin. This is considered the” love hormone.” Present in most affectionate relationships, it is connected to feelings of attachment and bonding. This hormone comes with that “I’m all in” feeling.
Our love chemicals are located deep within our biological makeup. They are deeply motivating and deeply tied to our innate desire to procreate and belong to each other.
Thus, it is no wonder that the chemicals released by our brains provide a wealth of vital information about ourselves sexually, our attachment to a partner, and even who would make the best love match.
Falling in love is no accident. Our brains are acting on more cues and chemical reactions than we comprehend in those love-sick, passionate moments. All we know at the time is that we feel wonderful.
Why Addiction and Poor Judgement are Part of the Deal
Knowing that these brain chemicals are fueling our romantic feelings can be important clues to understanding some of our romantic cravings and irrationality. Falling in love activates two areas of our brains in very different ways, creating disorienting euphoria and cloudy perception. So much so that, weeks or months later, we wonder how we missed a partner’s flaws or inconsistencies. Here’s what happens:
Your Limbic System Wakes Up
When you’re in love, the limbic reward system is activated. Essentially, your brain decides it needs love. The limbic system continually releases dopamine, effectively maintaining your craving for the object of your affection. When they are with you, you want to be with them and when you are apart, you are driven to seek them out. The euphoria is like the high of a drug. It can wear off ... unless you are bonded and oxytocin (the attachment chemical) kicks in.
Your Amygdala Goes to Sleep
There is a set of neurons located in the temporal lobe responsible for the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. It is called the amygdala. The amygdala controls our deep-rooted responses to danger, our perception of deception, the ability to recognize flaws, and our reactions to varied stimuli. When we are in love, things go dark in this area. Thus, good judgment is highly compromised and, as a result, we put on our rose-colored glasses.
Knowing How Love Affects You Is Powerful Information
Why do you need to know what’s happening in your head when you fall in love?
Self-awareness and understanding as you enter a love relationship are powerful things. Feeling more in control and able to rein in emotions can guide you to better choices and more satisfying connections.
Clearly, you may not be able to stop the wash of chemicals or other internal reactions, but you can become more mindful and reflective. You can choose to breathe, wait, and proceed with a bit more rationality. And, you can step into a great relationship instead of “falling” quite so hard. Empowerment like that can be extremely useful.
Of course, you may need some help navigating love and relationships going forward. Therapy can be a good way to get started. The counselors at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin work with clients who may need guidance through the ups and downs of love. We’re here to help. Reach out soon for a consultation, or request an appointment on the RCC Austin Scheduling page.