The holidays are here and we may need some strategies to help us through at times.
Why? Because right on the heels of the warm, cozy seasonal feelings come performance anxiety, overblown expectations, and… people.
The next six weeks will likely be packed full of interacting, engaging, giving, partying, visiting, and hosting friends and family. In fact, the holidays for many of us lead to lots of time in close quarters with some of the most complicated, opinionated, stress-inducing people you know… our own family members.
Can you survive the season and come out on the other side with relationships still intact? Of course, you can! Don’t write off this season of giving and cheer. The holidays aren’t hopeless. You just need a survival guide to get the most out of them!
Consider the following information your holiday handbook for survival, sanity, and gathering together with a good attitude:
Step One: Preparation is Important
Prep your body
How you feel emotionally is directly linked to how you feel physically. Don’t take on the traditions, gatherings, outings, gift exchanges, parties, mall traffic, etc. without enough sleep and maintaining a healthy diet. Stay hydrated. Maintain healthy and supportive self-talk. Choose relaxation activities (long walks, baths, hot tea, good books) as ways to manage stress. Stay in tune with yourself and reserve your right to call a “time-out” at any point when listening to a constant playlist of holiday music and fielding Amazon deliveries gets to be too much.
Prep your mind
Holiday performance anxiety is real. It’s your job to accept it and manage it. You don’t have to put on a happy face and overwhelm everyone with attempts at a “perfect” holiday. Stop and consider what thoughts and circumstances are bothering you:
Are you anxious about meeting your own expectations?
Are you dealing with difficult family members?
Is managing your personal or family transitions affecting the holiday spirit?
What you need more than gifts and parties is to be grounded and calm. Slow your thoughts. Meet with a mentor or counselor to shore yourself up before taking on the critiques, commentary, and commotion that can threaten your inner peace. It’s okay to make mental space for peace and quiet whenever you need it. Try deep breathing, meditation, or journaling daily before you launch into the holiday hubbub.
Prep your home
If you are hosting the holidays this year, anxiety about activities and entertainment are often tamed by lists and teamwork. Don’t wear yourself out chasing down every sale or good idea. Plot out your projects, decor and feasting needs. You’ll save money, use your time well, and feel more in control. Set a budget; plan foods, gifts, and hospitality goodies early on. You can avoid feeling put-upon, harried, and worn-out if you’re organized and well-stocked.
Of course, also do your best to execute holiday plans sensibly. A good plan is a good thing but not the only way to have fun. Do your best to be flexible and spontaneous too.
Prep yourself to be an excellent guest
Think of yourself as hospitality support. Encourage and facilitate your loved one’s preparations enthusiastically. Make yourself available and helpful. Refrain from critiques or directions on how things “should” be done. There’s no quicker way to garner goodwill and a good time than lending a helping hand.
Step Two: The Best Present is Staying Present
Be conscious of potential conflict
The holidays can be tricky when it comes to tradition and memories. Sometimes what we remember from past years isn’t always happy. Thus, the holidays can be painful or, at the very least, fraught with loads of unresolved emotions.
For that reason, it’s usually best to stay away from topics, conversations, and debates that drain holiday harmony. Celebrate the here and now. Make time to work on relationships you want to heal during private, one-on-one time after the holidays.
If you really feel you need to deal with certain relationships before a holiday gathering, consider the help of an individual or family therapist who could provide some guidance and support in navigating challenging relationships.
Be honest, safe, and firm
Tell yourself the truth first. Accept that your relatives are who they are. Your relationships have not been repaired overnight (that takes work, not holiday magic). So, even if gatherings are tense, rowdy, or overwhelming, remind yourself that it really isn’t your job to control the people around you.
Your responsibility is to be honest with yourself and others, choose your battles wisely, make your home safe for everyone, and hold to your established boundaries. How? Try the following:
Be kind and welcoming. Embrace holiday cheer and openness. Allow the holiday to progress naturally. Release unrealistic expectations and simply enjoy the season as it is.
Love and accept others with lots of grace. Offer olive branches to preserve respect and peace where you can.
Set firm guidelines for interacting, when necessary. Whether it’s the holidays or not, shared DNA doesn’t mean any form of abuse should be accepted.
Step Three: Ask and Answer: “What’s the Point?”
Remind yourself what the holidays mean to you
After all, there is a reason we do this every year. Take a bit of time to ask yourself, your partner, and your family, “Why?”
At the end of the six weeks or so that we dedicate to holiday excitement, celebration, and drama, how do you want to feel?
Try to tap into the meaning of the season for you and your loved ones. This can help you keep your “eyes up,” rather than focused low on the flaws of others or on your own negative thoughts. Shop, give, and gather with good intentions and a desire to be your best for each other.
Try to treat your time and loved ones with appreciation
Overall, focus on making time for generosity, gratitude, and demonstrations of goodwill. Intentionally and purposefully celebrate without expectation or obligation. Mindfully pay attention to the light and laughter where you find it, then simply allow yourself to take part.
Step Four: Schedule Time to De-stress, Process, and Digest
Even with a survival guide in your pocket, this time of year can be tough.
Ultimately, surviving the holidays is about knowing your own limits, setting boundaries and employing healthy practices to help you balance the season and your mental health.
If you need help getting to the new year with your mind and relationships intact, meeting with a counselor at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin can help. A few appointments throughout the season, and afterward, is a gift worth giving yourself—even if you just need a safe space away to recharge and gain perspective. To schedule, call our office at (512) 270-4883, or request an appointment online through the RCC Austin Scheduling page.