As a parent, you want to be there to guide your child through every obstacle. However, it isn’t always easy to know how to be there for your child. If you are a parent of an LGBTQIA+ child, you may be particularly unsure about how to guide them.
Your uncertainty isn’t necessarily out of rejection, anger, or unacceptance. Many parents simply don’t know how to advocate for their LGBTQIA+ child. Fortunately, being an advocate for your child is clearer than you may think.
Understanding the Facts
The term LGBTQIA+ encompasses many different people and refers to the community as a whole. The acronym stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, and asexual. Common variants of the term include LGBT, LGBTQ, or LGBTQ+. By understanding the terminology, you can better understand and advocate for your child and their identity. You can also better understand their place within the LGBTQIA+ community.
Encourage Open Communication
If your child has come out to you, it means they trust you deeply. LGBTQIA+ people are not always met with positive reception upon coming out, so many choose to keep their identities hidden or refuse to talk about it. Don’t make your child feel like they need to hide their identity — encourage them to talk about it. The sooner your child can embrace their identity, the happier and healthier they’ll be in the long run. If they know that you, their parent, is an ally, it will be much easier for them to establish their identity and be proud of it.
Don’t Be Dismissive
One of the biggest challenges that LGBTQIA+ people face is the dismissal of their identity. Many people invalidate, dismiss, or belittle the identities of LGBTQIA+ people, sometimes saying that it’s a phase or that it’s wrong. Your child will, unfortunately, face prejudices and a lack of acceptance from many people — so don’t contribute to that. Don’t be dismissive of your child or imply that their identity is a phase.
Most important of all, don’t make your child feel like there’s something wrong with them. Their LGBTQIA+ identity is not wrong, and it’s not an illness. Make sure your child knows this by embracing their identity and supporting it. Remember, your support means everything to your child.
Be Mindful of Their School Life
Bullying is an issue for all children, but LGBTQIA+ children may be especially susceptible. Be mindful of your child’s school life. Keep in touch with your child’s teacher and communicate with them frequently. Ask your child about school often, and encourage them to be open about any issues or bullying.
It often isn’t easy for children to speak up about things that are bothering them, so you need to step in and support them. Don’t look the other way or assume that everything is fine. Even if your child isn’t being bullied, they still need your love and support as they navigate adolescence as an LGBTQIA+ individual.
Always Be Willing to Learn
As a parent, you are a source of guidance and inspiration for your child. However, you won’t always have the right answer — and that’s okay. Sometimes, you will get things wrong. You may say the wrong thing or mess up from time to time. As long as you’re willing to learn and grow from your mistakes, you’re a strong ally for your child. Your LGBTQIA+ child will learn a lot from you, but you’ll learn from them as well.
Sometimes, the key to being a strong advocate is simply listening. Listen to your child. Listen to the LGBTQIA+ community and other allies. As you and your child navigate the obstacles and you help them along into adulthood, they’ll look back knowing that you were a meaningful advocate. Don’t let fear or uncertainty keep you from supporting your child — take small steps towards becoming the best possible ally for your LGBTQIA+ child today.
Parents and adolescents within the LBGTQIA+ community seeking support can find it at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin. If you are struggling with how to advocate for your LGBTQIA+ child, or just want to learn more, a therapist can help guide you. Reach out to schedule an appointment by calling our office at (512) 270-4883, or request an appointment online through the RCC Austin Scheduling page.
To learn more, click here: Family Counseling.