No doubt, your babies and young children are a joy to you. Still, the challenges of parenting can test the connection between the closest couples. What you may not know is that relationship experts have discovered that relationship-focused couples (as opposed to child-focused couples) experience the most gratifying unions. Moreover, the children of these strong partnerships feel secure, less affected by parental conflict, and more resilient due to their parent’s influence.
Simply stated, putting each other first takes nothing from your children. It gives them a stable loving relationship to model and a happy, soft place to land as they grow up. Let’s consider ways to keep your relationship safe and happy for the two of you too.
Recognize that Check-in time is Crucial
When was the last time you and your significant other made time to slow down for actual face time?
Too often parents of young children are busy putting out fires, running from one need, obligation, or activity to the next. Or you are so sleep deprived that they can do little more than growl at each other as exhaustion sends both to bed without much real connection.
The demands of small children are not small things. But they needn’t drive a wedge between you and the love of your life. You and your partner have learned to adjust to your little people. Be sure to adjust your relationship practically to parenthood as well.
Schedule weekly check-ins. Parenting years are harrowing times, you need to share your frustrations, head off resentments, and collapse in each other’s arms. So, too, do you need to express how you’re both changing. What can you do to support each other, and mutually reconsider the path to your individual and joint dreams?
The goal is not to give up on time together but to deepen your commitment to it. Your children will benefit from seeing how you make time for each other and prioritize plans that include them but also shape your relationship without them.
Understand that Sexual Healing is A Real Thing
Lovers become roommates when lovemaking gets put on the back burner. Parenthood is a beautiful thing and very fulfilling, but you and your partner are more than parents and you want your relationship to last long after the kids are grown and gone.
To go the distance, you and your significant other need to be physically intimate. You need the closeness, the endorphins, and the memories that are created when you come together physically. That union is uniquely yours. It cements you and connects you.
Belonging to each other and meeting each other’s needs pleasurably reminds you of your adult life and can help put your family life in perspective too. Passionate nights are nice to both recall and anticipate during those parenting days when you’re tempted to not make the effort. Snuggle in, let kisses linger, remember that you are a solid unit, a loving team, and passionate lovers.
Sign Up Relationship Supporters and Round-Up Your Childcare Village
Parents who supplement their care with that of safe, trusted loved ones do themselves and their children a huge favor. Young children are indeed demanding but you and your partner get to decide how to meet those demands! Why not share the responsibility with others to optimize time together?
Allow yourselves time together without guilt or anxiety by creating a community of people in your lives who value you as a couple and are willing to babysit, mentor, teach, and coach your little ones. You then expand your children’s horizons while gaining enough time away to prioritize your significant other and infuse fun and novelty back into your relationship.
Never Underestimate the Power of Approval and Praise
Words of affirmation, appreciation, and admiration remind your spouse or partner that you are paying attention to who they are, not just the roles they play. Taking the time to write a sweet note, buy a small gift, or play hookey from work to assure your partner that they are worth your time and extra effort.
Bragging to your coworkers about your partner, planning a party to celebrate them, or scheduling a night out with your mutual friends (complete with childcare) breathes life into your relationship. Demonstrating your approval and appreciation promotes the sense that your close connection is a vibrant, celebratory and wanted part of your lives. Do your best to remember and enthusiastically acknowledge birthdays, special anniversaries, and loads of “just because I care” moments.
Take the Next Step
Are you ready to be close again? Great! It may be that, to prioritize your significant other, you just need a bit of objectivity and support getting started. Or it may be that deeper issues are at play. Either way, couples therapy is a valuable resource for many families. Please reach out for a consultation and read more about couples counseling to obtain the guidance you need. We’re here to help.
To get started with couples therapy with Sylvia Beligotti, visit the Scheduling page here.