After a couple spends a certain amount of time together, they become very close to one another. While that initial excitement and passion of being with someone new may wear off over time, you still feel a romantic attachment to your partner.
What happens, however, when this romantic attachment wears off? Perhaps you once felt that attachment, which is why you entered a relationship in the first place. Over time, however, this attachment can lessen or go away completely, leaving you feeling “stuck” in your relationship. So why do relationships get stuck, and how can you move past this stage?
Uncertainty and Fear
Many relationships become stuck because of uncertainty or fear. While you don’t feel a romantic connection to your partner anymore, you may stay with them for many reasons, and most of them have to do with fear. You may feel uncertain about your partner, the relationship itself, how much time you’ve spent in it — the list goes on and on.
On the other end of the spectrum, you may also feel uncertain about ending things. If you still get along well enough and enjoy one another, why end things? What if you make a mistake by ending things? Or, what if you keep flipping back and forth between breaking up or staying together?
When you feel this much uncertainty about a relationship, it makes it easy to get stuck. You may avoid ending your relationship even after you decide that you want to. Or, you may start to panic and worry that you’ve wasted too much time and energy on it. Soon enough, “stuck” starts to feel like “trapped,” and you only feel more and more uncertain as time passes.
Why People Stay In “Stuck” Relationships
Even if you know that you don’t have a romantic connection to your partner anymore, it’s not always easy to break up with them. There are many reasons why someone might stay in a stuck relationship, and they all deserve a fair amount of consideration.
Loyalty and obligation are big reasons why people stay in their stuck relationships. Though you don’t feel a romantic attachment to your partner anymore, it doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. You don’t want to hurt them, and you certainly don’t want to leave them in the lurch. Because of this, you may stay in your relationship even after you decide that you want to break up.
Another big reason that people stay in a stuck relationship is financial factors. You may feel financially codependent on your partner or vice versa, making it hard to end the relationship. When you don’t have anything to fall back on, it often seems like a better option to settle than to enter a world of uncertainty.
Finally, many people stay in stuck relationships because of children. When you’re at the point in a relationship where you have kids, there is a lot at stake. You don’t want to disrupt your kids’ lives, so it seems like a better option to stay “stuck” than leave the relationship. This is the reason that many couples stay married even when their relationship isn’t working out.
Moving Past the “Stuck” Phase
Now that you know more about being stuck in a relationship, you may be wondering: what now? What does one do to become unstuck?
First, evaluate your relationship. Have you been feeling stuck for a while, or are you going through a rough phase? Do you still feel hints of romantic attachment towards your partner? If you do, you may want to consider couples therapy to see if the relationship can work out after all.
If you feel as though you can’t salvage your relationship, then the best thing to do is make a break-up plan and stick with it. Ending relationships isn’t easy for either party, but it’s better to get it over with instead of leading someone on for years. You deserve to be in a fulfilling relationship, as does your partner — so if you’re feeling stuck, make moves to prevent the feeling from becoming permanent.
To schedule a session with Kassie Soni, MA, LPC please contact us by completing a form on the RCC Austin Scheduling page.