The word courtship might feel out of place in today’s dating culture.
You probably don’t associate it with swiping, texting, or algorithm-driven matches. It brings to mind something slower, more deliberate—like handwritten letters and meeting the family over dinner.
But courtship, in its essence, is simply the part of a relationship where you get to know each other beyond surface level. It’s the stretch of time when trust is built, character is revealed, and you start to answer a basic but important question: Is this worth investing in long-term?
That kind of connection is still possible—even if you meet online. But you’ll need to be intentional. The internet doesn’t make it easy to slow down or stay grounded. There’s a lot of noise, and it’s easy to confuse chemistry with compatibility.
That’s where courtship can help. It gives you a structure to move from initial interest to something more solid—if it’s meant to last.
If you’ve met someone special and wonder how to proceed there are some important things to consider.
6 Things You Need to Know about Online Courtship:
1. Safety Comes First
Before courtship comes caution. You don’t need to approach dating with paranoia, but you do need to be careful. Not everyone online is who they say they are. Do some digging. Google them. Look for consistency across platforms. See if their story checks out.
And be mindful of what you share early on. There’s no reason to hand over your address, workplace, or financial details to someone you just met—no matter how charming they seem. Curiosity is good. Transparency is important. But trust is earned, not assumed.
2. Watch for Manipulation
Unfortunately, some people use dating apps to manipulate rather than connect. You may encounter someone who’s more interested in getting something from you—money, attention, access—than in building a relationship.
Pay attention if they ask for too much too soon, profess love before you’ve even met, or seem to always be in crisis. These are common tactics. Also be wary if they push your boundaries or pressure you to move faster than you're comfortable with. If something feels off, it probably is. Healthy people won’t rush you or guilt you for needing space.
3. Move Offline When It Feels Right
It’s easy to get caught in a loop of texting and video calls, especially if there’s strong early connection. But courtship isn’t meant to live in the digital world forever. It has to transition to real life at some point—if the relationship is going to grow.
Start local if you can. Long-distance dating adds a layer of complexity that’s hard to navigate early on. And once there’s enough safety and interest, make plans to meet in person. Texting is convenient, but it can’t replace the experience of being together and seeing how things feel face-to-face.
4. Take Your Time
Online dating moves fast. Most apps are built to keep you swiping, comparing, and deciding quickly. But real relationships don’t work that way. Courtship needs space. It’s a slow process of discovery—where attraction deepens into real knowing, or doesn’t.
Instead of rushing toward answers, allow the relationship to unfold. Give yourself room to ask questions, observe, and actually feel what it’s like to be with this person over time. Can you talk openly? Do your values align? How do they handle stress or disappointment? These things don’t show up in the early glow of attraction. They reveal themselves slowly. Let them.
5. Keep Your Relationship Private (Especially at the Start)
If you’ve met someone promising, resist the urge to share everything online. Yes, a few cute photos are fine. But real intimacy grows in privacy—not in public posts. Social media has a way of turning relationships into performances. And that pressure can derail something good before it has a chance to take root.
Keep most of your connection between the two of you. Don’t default to texting as your only form of communication. Make time for real conversation. Don’t use Instagram or TikTok to manage your relationship. The strongest bonds are built offline.
6. Red Flags Aren’t Just Warnings—They’re Information
Courtship is meant to reveal who someone really is—and whether you’re a fit. Don’t overlook signs that something’s off. If there’s dishonesty, disrespect, or controlling behavior early on, it’s not going to magically get better.
Pay attention to:
Lies or inconsistencies in their stories
A temper that shows up when things don’t go their way
A reluctance to meet your friends or family
Any behavior that makes you feel isolated or unsure of yourself
These aren’t minor issues. They’re signs that this relationship may not be safe—or sustainable. If you see red flags, talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to sort it all out alone.
A Therapist Can Help You Navigate the Process
If you’re dating online and want to be thoughtful about how you show up—or how you choose the people you let in—I can help. Therapy is a place to sort through patterns, clarify boundaries, and figure out what you really want in a relationship.
Whether your courtship leads to something long-term, or simply teaches you something important about yourself, it’s worth doing well.
If you want support while you’re dating, reach out. Let’s figure it out together.
To schedule a session with Daniel Hope, MA, LMFT Associate, at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin, call (512) 270-4883, or complete the online Scheduling form and someone will be in touch with you shortly. We look forward to hearing from you.
To learn more, click here: Individual Therapy