As the parent of a child with intellectual disabilities, you’ve experienced ups and downs. Your child has likely taken the forefront of the concern in the family.
On the upside, their disabilities may have drawn your family closer. You may feel linked as champions and defenders for one of your own. But on the downside, the stress of it all may have caused tension and rifts with your other children. Maybe your marital relationship is strained. Or perhaps time for your own self-care is dangerously short.
Children with intellectual disabilities often require much more care and attention. They may never become fully independent, which puts a great deal of pressure on you and your family’s shoulders. Anxiety, depression, and anger are common. It’s okay to admit that your family experiences emotional struggles at times. Learning to cope, support each other well, and thrive is an ongoing process. Let’s explore how your child’s intellectual disabilities impact your family and key ways to manage these struggles.
Your Marriage or Partnership
When it comes to raising a child with disabilities, you and your partner must be on the same page. A strong partnership is key in maintaining balance within your household. If you’re constantly disagreeing, fighting, or going behind one another’s back, it will cause more tension and unease. To better understand your needs as a family, first, check-in with your partner.
Ask questions and listen intently to understand your partner’s perspective on your child, family, and your relationship. Keep in mind that your children are best served by your ability to provide a solid, stable foundation built by your teamwork and mutual respect. Figure out ways you can work to improve teamwork and respect for each other and for your entire family.
Attend to Your Other Children
When one child has a disability, it may seem like they must get the lion’s share of your care and attention. It’s easy to carry a lot of guilt and overindulge your other kids or ask them to live with less of you and carry too much responsibility. As your kids get older and mature, they have an easier time understanding why their sibling needs extra care. However, try not to dismiss or ignore your kids’ concerns and needs.
Kids can take on a great deal of stress without explicitly talking about it. This can lead to overwhelm, rebellion, and strained relationships with their parents and siblings. Communication and actively listening to them can make a huge difference. It is vital that you make time for sharing their stresses and needs. It may be wise to incorporate family counseling or time with kids who are in similar family situations. Validate kid’s concerns and provide opportunities for self -expression.
Cope with Stress as a Team
Every family will inevitably experience stress. It’s simply a part of life. When you’re raising a child with an intellectual disability, things don’t always go smoothly.
In life, our goal should not be to avoid stress — instead, coping well is a better aim. Again, first and foremost, foster a household with open communication. Encourage all family members (your partner, your kids, and yourself) to speak up honestly and respectfully instead of keeping emotions bottled up. In the long-run, open communication can save your family from outbursts, hurt feelings, and resentment along the way.
Strengthen Your Family’s Bond
Another great way to cope with the stress of one child’s needs is to make sure your family’s bond is strong. When every member of your family is on different pages, it can lead to miscommunication. Make conscious efforts to keep your family’s bond strong.
You can do this by having nights set aside for family dinners, game nights, or movie nights. By encouraging fun activities with the whole family, you can ease stress and keep everyone on the same page. Your family needs to hang out in a casual, fun, and non-stressful way sometimes. Often a sense of humor and lots of time to decompress can bond you tightly and keep things in perspective.
Managing the Ups and Downs
As a parent of a child with an intellectual disability, you go through more stress than most parents do. Your family goes through more stress than most families do. If the stress becomes too much for your family, you may want to consider family counseling.
Couples counseling and/or family counseling will allow you, your partner, and all your children to understand your emotions and cause(s) of stress. You can take all the responsibility from your shoulders and allow a counselor to help you navigate your family’s issues. You don’t want your family to suffer, and you certainly don’t want to start blaming or scapegoating your child with a disability. Consider couples counseling and/or family counseling as an option to help your family be as cohesive, happy, and communicative as possible.
If you need extra support as you learn to manage the effects of your child with a disability, a therapist at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin can help. For more information, click here: Family Counseling. To schedule with a counselor, give our office a call at (512) 270-4883, or request an appointment online at the RCC Austin Scheduling page.