When love fades, the romantic relationship high you once rode, declines steeply. As your break up progresses, the emotional impact is obvious. Yet, the effect of a break up on your brain may not be something you’ve given a whole lot of thought.
To ease the pain, you may want to consider what’s happening in your brain. There are natural neurological responses that you can expect and be aware of. Once you know what is happening, you might actually feel a little less lost, hurt, and alone.
In recent years, there has been scientific research conducted regarding the brain’s response to heartbreak. Fortunately, despite how it feels, your brain is not short-circuiting. It takes time to adjust to the loss, but eventually, it shifts into recovery mode. Here’s how:
First, your brain processes a painful break up the same way an addict processes injury and withdrawal.
Do you feel physically ill, weak, or otherwise impaired? That disorientation and literal “heartache” accompanying your break up is not imagined. Rejection and abandonment really do hurt.
Research using MRI brain scans reveal that the effect of a break up on the brain activates in the same regions as pain and withdrawal. Deprived of the “love drug” that used to flood your brain and body with bonding or reward hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, happiness seems to drain away dramatically.
Without a steady stream of lovely chemical neurotransmitters, withdrawal creates a mental break. A deep sense of anxiety, loneliness, and even depression can ensue.
Love and affection cravings are real.
Are you wrestling with intrusive, distracting thoughts about your former love? Not to worry, the effect of a break up naturally creates some amount of emotional craving. The person you loved was the object of reward and reason for motivation and many levels. It is biologically driven to want to seek out a return to that state of wellbeing.
Essentially, your brain longs to light up again with the same intensity and purpose. It takes time and an intentional focus on processing the feelings, engaging other rewarding behavior and pursuing fulfilling relationships to recover. This is a great time to seek out the care and assistance of loved ones and a counselor for help.
Happily, your brain wants to recover.
Research revealed an interesting discovery of a post-breakup brain scan: in addition to the lighted regions that reflect reward/deprivation, the areas associated with emotional regulation and inhibition are affected. These brain areas include the orbitofrontal/prefrontal cortex and the cingulate gyrus.
This seems to indicate that while craving and preoccupation with your former love take hold for a while, simultaneously, the brain strives to heal. You slowly recover with an increase in healthy thinking and decision-making in the long-run.
Can your brain help you bounce back? Yes!
As your brain continues to actively practice regulating emotions and restricting impulsivity you become mentally and emotionally more resilient. Moreover, your brain wants to help you heal from the effect of a break up. You are wired for it. The key is to give yourself time and beneficial guidance and support.
Avoid replacing those feel-good chemicals with unhealthy alternatives like drugs, alcohol, facebook-stalking, or rebound relationships. Desperate dopamine replacement is detrimental and is no way to recover well.
Finally, consider therapy if you feel obsessed or unable to move forward. Additionally, a period of romantic sobriety may be an advantage. It can help you break the neurological bonds in your brain. If you are ready to feel better and give your brain the boost it needs to let go of your past relationship, please contact us soon. We’re here to help you focus on loving yourself and moving forward.
If you need support as you navigate the grief that comes with ending a relationship, therapy can help. Contact Jack Partain, MEd, LPC, at the Relationship Counseling Center of Austin to get started on your healing journey today. Call (512) 270-4883 or complete the Scheduling Form and someone will be in touch with you soon. We look forward to hearing from you.
To learn more, click here: Life Transitions Therapy.